Archive for April, 2008

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Dinner with out of town guests: Jimmy

April 14, 2008

Dinner was pasta in some kind of creamy sauce. Jimmy sat at the head of the table, Laurie at his right and Lacey at his left, Steve and Jean across from each other down the table. Steve was regaling them with a mishap involving his contractor and their new house. Jimmy smiled and nodded. Had Steve always been such a bore? Laurie was alright, a little too round for his tastes. She had the kind of haircut women over 30 get when they decide they don’t care about getting fucked anymore. An “easy care” haircut, mark of a woman who thinks she’s got her man completely tied down. Still, she had a nice smile. Her glass was near empty and he offered her more wine. He topped off Lacey’s glass while he was at it. Get her loose, that was the plan.

“Laurie conks out after a couple glasses of wine,” Steve had told him. “She’ll be in bed by 10, even if we are on vacation.” Jean was the same way. She made a virtue of it, like an old lady. “I don’t have the stamina I used to have,” she’d say, and he’d nod inside while kissing her goodnight. Free time. That was the prize for a married man. Free, unsupervised time. He had nothing to complain about.

He looked at Lacey again. She was wearing the dress he’d bought her, dark green like her eyes, a clingy knit turtleneck with a high waist like she’d outgrown it. He couldn’t see the skirt under the table but he could picture it, falling in loose pleats over her thighs and revealing knobby, childish knees. She’d worn knee socks and mary janes tonight, the perfect schoolgirl outfit. Look away. “It’s started to snow,” said Lacey, and his eyes focused where they’d been resting at random, big flakes outside the window, grey against black where the porch light hit them. “Maybe we can go for a walk after dinner,” he said to the table at large. Lacey kicked his foot in secret agreement while the woman protested that were too full to move an inch, then started talking about dessert.

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Gretchen and Paul, Part 2

April 14, 2008

Pulling away again. Would she always be a coward? If you’d asked her yesterday what she’d wanted, this would have been everything, and more. Gretchen looked up at her concerned, ready to apologize, and Lacey felt even worse. It wasn’t Gretchen’s fault. And Paul, still not grasping the situation, his mouth open and eyes quizzical – he looked like a fish.

Shit. He DID look like a fish. This was the worst part. The acid coming on. Not for the first time, Lacey felt the dread of knowing there was no escape. Why had she agreed to this? Six hours, at least. A lifetime. If she was lucky, it wouldn’t make her teeth clench and her bones ache like last time. Strychnine, Gretchen had told her, old acid turns into strychnine, don’t save it up next time.

Gretchen was sitting up now, trying to embrace her, doing her protective mother act. “It’s too late,” Lacey told her.

“Too late for what, sweetie?”

“I’m sorry, Gretch, I shouldn’t… I shouldn’t have come over tonight.” Lacey reached for her shirt. The cotton seemed to leap into her hand.

“No, Lacey, I’m glad you’re here, it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay.” Gretchen’s arms around her felt octopus-y, wriggling and constricting. Lacey struggled for calm, ordinary words. For some reason it seemed important not to show how much the drug was affecting her.

“I want to put my shirt on,” she said, and Gretchen withdrew, with more apologies and endearments. Lacey’s shirt clung to her hands, then pressed against her face as she pulled it over her head. It seemed to stick to everything. There were wrinkles bunching under her arms. She couldn’t seem to get it to lay flat.

Paul was still gazing up at her, pupils vast in his blue eyes. Lacey looked away. Don’t stare too long at anything human, that was a rule she’d learned for acid trips. Gretchen took her hand again. Lacey hadn’t realized she was cold, but Gretchen’s hand felt hot against her. Their palms met.

“Gretchen, it feels like your hand’s inside my hand,” Lacey said, the words coming back to her from a distance.

“Maybe they’re the same hand,” Gretchen said, and held them both up in the air. Lacey glanced quickly. No, still two hands, brown and gold in the lamplight. The sky outside the window was pearly dark grey. It was early evening, she remembered. They’d be down by 11, for sure.